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December 2005
29 December 2005
The year is nearly over, and 3 toasts please - all raise your glasses when you next have a drink - alcoholic or not.
Toast number 1, to my brother's wedding - what a great affair to end a year, after tragic events - saying goodbye to loosing some family and a friend of mine and to ill health of other family members and for me - for finally getting a diagnosis after 10 years of suffering with health problems.
Toast number 2, to stopping my anti-depressants.
Toast number 3, to celebrating my 8th anniversary this month waiting for a transplant...well not sure that this is something to toast...but its my way of putting humour into a no-win situation.
Personal toasts to those that really count, all my family, friends, and my fiance who have rallied round me with oodles of support, love and care. To everyone who has supported me via my website whether heard of me through the grapevine, accidently came across my website and left me a message, and from my media appearances.
Some things I have learnt this year are that firstly life is short, and no one knows when their time will come to an end. Its best to live life to the full, and be happy. If you have a yearning to do something or go somewhere...do not delay it, go for it and live life full of your passions. Keep a smile on your face - no matter how bad things get...there is always someone worse off than you. Through pain and suffering find strength and peace within.
Do not give up even in the darkest hour....there IS a light at the end of the tunnel....I'm just waiting for mine to shine through - but, I know its there.
Do not moan about silly things such as silly quabbles, loosing a train ticket, getting a stain on your new outfit and so forth.....these things can be replaced/sorted out.....unforeseen health issues with no hope or cures/famine/natural Earth disasters.....and such like..really make us understand the bigger picture as to what is important, and what can we do to help people/situations? Stop and think about these things - then is it fair to moan and get annoyed at silly things?
Well my life has certainly been turned upside down, and I still get flashbacks..like little incidents in hospital. I had one last night, I remember when I was so poorly in hospital at the start of the year....and to which I met Ida (who sadly passed away). I was left waiting for a scan or x-ray, and sat in a wheelchair with my oxygen on.....and heard a lady moaning about a broken leg or something. There were a few people sitting on chairs waiting to be seen...and I started to talk to this lady, and then she asked what was wrong with me. At this point, all I knew was that I had rare illness, unable to have kids, and my right lung was not functioning. I couldnt stop crying - she knew she was going to be ok, and I was unsure of my future. I felt so embarrassed - I had no where to hide and cry...just an audience who looked at me, and I didnt even have a tissue. I was a blubbering wreck - until finally one lady offered me a hanky, and said she would pray for me. Its little things like that - and sometimes, I just cant believe all that I have been through. It happened so fast, and dreading each month fearing another lung collapse..just waiting for it to happen...the pain..the gasping to breathe...and not knowing if my time was up.
However...I am amazed at myself...I am not going to sit and dwell on it all - I am going to tell the world and raise awareness and have a life and do things that make me happy. What I didnt expect was how much an impact Ive had all over the world...wow...messages from everywhere...and I feel great inside.
Whatever happens to me - I know my legacy will go on.
My final toast to end 2005 is to GOOD HEALTH! XXX
13 December 2005
Hello everyone!
Where does time fly? Hope you are all getting ready for the festive season? I cant wait, such a kid when it comes to xmas and pressies (he he).
Can you believe it - that I have been waiting almost 8months now for a lung transplant! I am just glad - that I have been keeping myself busy with hobbies, gym, and going out lots. This has helped the time pass by quickly - and ease my mind of the harrowing truth of whether I will get a transplant in time.
I still do think that I will, and have a funny feeling now - that New Year's Eve may be a day that I get my first call?? Well...life goes on - even if that does not happen.
Good news..coming to last few days of anti-depressants..so going to see how I am without them now. I don't want to be dependant on a drug to balance my emotions...I think I have gotten over the worst now (accepting and dealing face on with my illness). I can do it alone and without a mood enhancer. Anyways, I will be on loads of tablets after my transplant..so a "rest" period will do my body some good ..he he.
As to my health? Well...last week I was struggling a bit with breathing and pains..but this week - all seems good so far. Just happy that I haven't had a collapsed lung in quite a few months now (still hoping stays that way)..think I have been through enough this year with pain and struggling of my one and only lung collapsing. It kinda seems like memories now...even though it was in April this year (that my nightmare started). I am also making sure that I keep nice and warm - do not want to get any chest infections (quite common with people who have Lam) - and stay as fit and healthy as possible.
Well...short 4 now..just wanted to write a little bit for now. Take care all. xx
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