April 2006

I feel weak today - but still manage to smile. I just want these lungs now more than ever.

I hope this week coming is a good week and my breathing is ok too. My recovery is slow - and its like my life is hospital bound - oh well.

Oh...quick note to Mikey re sending DVD's... the address is on this website under "contact us" section.

This is a hard battle I'm facing - and oh for the day this is over, and I can be 'normal' again. To be like everyone else... walking, breathing, eating properly, to exercise, to live a life away from living a life in hospitals.

Please keep the support coming - you all know how it keeps me going. Thank you. Have a good week everyone. x "


18th APRIL 2006
This entry was written by Justine last night but it arrived to late to be published yesterday.

"Just a note from me. I'm doing OK so far - no sickness.

Re: The Transplant - it wouldn't have happened anyways - as from what I heard only one lung was OK and a single lung transplant was done.

So....that is that then.  Was a bit down - but OK now.  Thanks for all the supporting messages.

No much to say really - just making slow progress still.

BUT a few quick Hello's to:-
Olly in Australia
James Oakey
Rik Munoz
Lynn and everyone else.

Short and sweet....................stay tuned peeps.....................xxxxxx"

12th APRIL 2006
This entry was written by Justine last night but it arrived to late to be published yesterday

"Hello everyone it is now Tuesday evening 11th April.

Well.....I've actually been not so good over the weekend and yesterday (Monday) I've been to very ill and bing sick has also left me feeling weak too.

Today, has been the first day that I felt better and I must re-start my physio and weaning again.  It was hard getting up to try to walk again.  It seems to take such a long time.  My muscles have so wasted away - guess its going to take time.  So, I know from that alone - I will be here for some time just trying to learn to walk again - one of the things we take for granted.

My Dad brought in a Frappucino! this evening.  Tastes good - but I am only able to have a few sips - I get full very quickly.  Thanks Dad!

Also....thanks Gemma for offering too - hopefully we can actually go to Starbucks ourselves!?

I feel as if my life will be spent this part of the year in Hospital - oh well.  Not much I can do about that, it's a slow process an if I get my new lings....we start this all over again!

My friends Den and Gav get married this Thursday.  I so wish I was there.  I hope you have a beautiful day and lovely honeymoon!

Please keep up the messages to me - as I look forward to reading them hen my parents visit and bring them in.

Take care everyone....................I'm going to have another slurp of my Frappucino.                     x"

6th APRIL 2006
"Hello everyone.

I've been sleeping badly since coming to E-Ward - waking up every 2 hours.  But last night, was the night I think I slept for 8 hours though.  

I seem unable to eat breakfast in the morning - don't know why - oh well.

Not much to say really.  I missed out at a party in Chelmsford where all my friends were - I miss you all loads.

Good luck to my friend Mark Soanes with your house hunting - thats great news!

I am eating now - which is good - even if I can;t finish meals - I have build-up drinks and drinks that provide all the calories I need.

Thats to all of you for your continual support.  I want my lungs so badly now.

I think I've been in Hospital for 2 months now - wow - I never expected this and the fact I could be here the same again still or even longer.

I'm amazed to think back in February - that I made it out for my Birthday  and since then I've mainly been in Hospital.  

(Webmaster Note: Justine's birthday was 12th February and she saw the  Cirque du Soleil show Alegría at the Royal Albert Hall London)

Oh....and to Trevor O'Sullivan - hope you are well too - haven't heard from you in a while!?

Take care everyone.  Lots of love to you all and thank you again for your kindness and support.                                     xxx"

6th APRIL 2006
"Hello everyone.

Hope you are all well and good.   I had a chat with a psychologist today and Jon was present.  My speaking valve was in - so I was able to discuss through some of my emotions.  It was good to hear Jon talk and the realism of say - if I did die....then Jon will have no regrets as he made my time here fun and positive.

The fact that I have already been waiting one year with no calls yet for my transplant..........is the realism.  I still remain positive and so does Jon that I'll get new lungs in time.  But, there is a fear deep down - that I may not......it's a hard reality to deal with - oh well ......."C'est la vie"  (thats life).

I would like to thank Steven Sams for your letter.  Yes...it would be good to keep in touch again.  I've been unable to email for quite some time now.  Please can you email my brother your address and then I can write to you from Hospital.  I remember you were with me when I first had problems almost 10 years ago on my right lung. (That no longer exists).  Hope you are doing well too.

I've had a long hard morning - the physio are starting to push me - and I get tired very easily now and breathless naturally - but that is my illness.

Got to go now - have my beautician here now....manicure and arm wax.......pleasure and pain combined.

Got my pampering still - somehow!!!!

Take care everyone.  Speak soon.   xx"

4th APRIL 2006
"Hello everyone.

Hurray - I've starting eating, drinking and talking a little (with the assistance of a speaking valve for just a short while).  I can't eat much..........but its been a long time since I have actually eaten.

I have tried things like joghurts and jelly to start with and water!!  Then soups , and now I have had creamed potatoes....even fish in a sauce!   Its all helps to get my taste going again & a swallowing reflex.  ( I can only eat a few mouthfuls of anything).  I'm also on build up drinks and I asked for a strawberry and banana flavours   -  so like my milkshakes I've been longing for.......Yes, I was a Happy Bunny having one today.

From February - having 3 lung collapses in a week.  On the 3rd lung collapse I was then thinking I was not going to make it - and saying goodbye to everyone. Then undergoing a risky operation from or after which I contracted contracted many infections and then being on a life support machine for weeks while I was unconscious.

I can't believe all that I've been through - it's a miracle I am still alive - I just don't know how.   What a battle I've faced!  I just hope that I get my chance for a transplant whilst I'm here.

A message to Laura - don't worry we never met yesterday - I'm sure I'll still be here on April 20th - please email my parents again...so they can remind me.

Also a massive hello to the Chelmsford & Potters Bar Crew and all my other mates across the U.K. and World.  I miss you all and I really miss my msn chats.

And to Emily hope all goes well with the T-Shirt launch and that you get better soon.

Finally, I miss the Lamline support too and thanks to those lammies who have sent me cards.

I realise this is the illest I've been and I'm sure 'I'll be back' on Lamline in the near future.

Thanks everyone.................please keep writing messages.

Take care.     xx

1st APRIL 2006

"Hello yet again...............I've been moved to E Ward and out of intensive care (as you may have heard) - although I pretty much still need help with everything still.

It's nice to have my own room - and last night I thought I would get a good sleep. BUT, I was disturbed about 3 or 4 times during the night.    Oh bar humbug ................So this morning I felt terrible.

I feel happy that I am back on the transplant list again and believe it or not it is now one year that I have been waiting for a transplant........................and I feel a bit anxious.

I really hope I am one of the lucky people to get a transplant - as I realise half the people on the waiting list don't.   I feel like I'm sitting on a time-clock going tick....tock....tick....tock....tick....tock  It really needs to happen sooner rather than later.

So, I am now surviving without a right lung and a left lung that was operated on.   That operation wasn't really successful as such as my left lung still managed to collapse.  I just hope and pray that I am one lucky chic that gets this transplant chance whilst in hospital now.  

I saw a girl today who has had a heart transplant and was in hospital for 6 months.

It's weird as I have a feeling - that I may be here for a while too.  

I get quite breathless too at any movement and it takes me a short while to get back to normality again......meaning on a positive side...working my breathing muscles that little bit harder.

I hope I have a good kip tonight.  Well, not much more to say.  Just thank you still for your messages.

Oh....I'm able to eat more foods now on a soft diet.  BUT because I haven't eaten in such a long time I'm still on a feeding drip.   I can only manage tiny bits of things (ice cream, joghurt and jelly) but its nice - even if just for the taste. 
[Note: Until the tracheomotry is removed Justine will not be able to eat solid foods].

Felling tired now its 1.30 p.m.

Cheerio everyone.....

Speak soon                  xxx"