February 2006
February
2006
14/02/2006
Justine was hoping to add a
diary update about her
birthday outing on Sunday 12th but as she is back in Hospital that will
have to wait until she returns home and is well enough to do so.
7/02/2006
Hurray...today is the first day since
leaving hospital that I have felt
less anxious about my whole ordeal. Also I got my 1st Birthday card
too...and have had some emails/messages wishing me too. I can't believe
it's my Birthday this Sunday..I hope I am well enough to celebrate my
day.
I
also hope that my lung will not collapse again - and this will assist
in me bouncing back quickly again. I almost feel like me again
today...all happy and back to my sense of humour..so lets hope tomorrow
is another good day. Short and sweet for now.
Cheerio. X
5/02/2006
Late Edition to my diary at
11.27pm tonight.
I have just watched the movie, "Moulin Rouge" now on the box, and it is
probably one of my favourite movie's...dancing..singing..romance
etc...and I haven't seen the movie for a very long time - and I forgot
the ending. Well...floods of tears poured down my face, as the main
character dies (Nicole Kidman) in her lover's arms....saying her
goodbyes and her final words..and telling him to go on and keep their
story alive.
Needless to say...or really do I need to say anything now...this was me
last week...my goodness....I wish I had remembered the ending before I
sat through the movie again...and watching her gasp her last breaths
before she passed away.
Phew...deep stuff - eh?...I just had to write this down..it will make
me feel better, and sleep better - having this emotion off my chest.
Right...done..off to bed in a while. xx
This morning I did something silly, I took all my tablets on an empty
stomach..needless to say..I felt light headed. Mum made me eat toast
and drink boiled water...sounds grim, but it helped! I don't think I
will be doing that again in a hurry...he he.
I had a special treat aswell today...as you all know by now, I have an
on/off love affair with Starbucks coffee/frappucino's. On..when I get
to go there.....off, when I'm ill or in hospital. I have been dry for a
while now with Starbucks..until... hurray a flask arrived at my door
with a travelling distance of almost one hour...paper Starbucks
cup/napkin/canderal sachet/wooden stirer....(and also a Starbucks
mug).....from my mate Katherine. Talk about the cheshire cat grin!!! It
was a caramel latte or something like that..what a suprise..and my mate
said to me..."well if you can't get to Starbucks..then Starbucks will
come to you!!" Yippy....it was yummy and still warm...and left me with
a nice glow.
I had a mini cry today..the relevation of all I have been through...but
each day it will get easier. This time last week - I almost popped
off....but now I am just regaining my strength and confidence back
again....and wish for no more lung collapses. Or, if it is my fate to
have again..to have another long breather for a while. I need to focus
on how I am now - and not from last week..that will happen...just still
some healing to go from that. What a scare/fright I had..and no doubt
all those around me at the time.
Yes..I am very open with my journal/emotions...but this helps me...and
may even help others with difficult situations..who knows.
Well, tomorrow is another day..a new start for a new week.
Take care everyone. xx
3/02/2006
PART 2
How can I forget - its my Birthday next week (February 12th) - and I
will be 33 (gulp). Normally I organise a big get together with
all my mates - but this will not happen..I want to get better first -
and arrange something another day - probably next month. I always look
forward to my Birthday - and this year - I am not bothered..I just want
to be well!!!
I am still very - can't even find the words to describe how I feel -
with my near death experience - and the struggles I had without being
able to breathe properly - as if I was not able to fight anymore - but
I did!? I need to see a counsellor again - and back on anti-depressants
- which I will take for a short period (as long as necessary)...I will
get my strength back - I know I will ...just another hurdle that I have
been faced with. And I think that this has been the hardest of them all.
I also know - that this has been hard for my family (close family -
esp. the ones who saw me at the time I was fighting to stay alive). I
am sorry that people saw me this way...not how I normally am...and the
upset faces/red eyes/faces..I will never forget - as I was saying my
goodbyes. It is a tough thing for anyone to go through and the people
that my illness affects - as they witness my struggles.
I am saddened about my parents - they have been badly affected too -
and no doubt my fiance..it was a near miss I had. But - I AM STILL HERE
- AND GOING ONWARDS AND UPWARDS AGAIN....PLEASE ALL GATHER STRENGTH AND
LETS ALL BE STRONG TOGETHER.
I love all my family and dear friends - and also feel an attachment to
those who have contacted me through my website - and I feel as if
everyone is rooting for me - and I cannot explain..how much faith and
hope - even strength that it continues to give me - THAT I MUST GET
THIS TRANSPLANT AND SURVIVE!!
Speak soon. XX
3/02/2006
PART 1
I can't believe all that I have been through recently - like another
nightmare - and that I am still alive!! I was never even able to write
about my 1st lung collapse again this year - before going back into
hospital with another collapse - then another collapse whilst in
hospital. I have a lot of writing to catch up on - so please bear with
me.
Once again the support and messages have been great - I am a fighter -
and this has proved to be my hardest battle to date! I am still in a
state of shock from what I have been through - and fearing lung
collapses again..I just hope that this will be it now for a while. This
is only a short note - I will be on again soon...just trying to adapt
to being home again and trying to relax aswell.
Man I am still alive and I just don't know how - from unable to breathe
for 10hours with a double lung collapse - top and bottom part of my
only lung left. Some one did spare me...and I was saying my farewells
to my fiance, brothers and their wives, Mum and Dad, my Aunty and Uncle
and their daughter....what an experience....I am in shock that I never
did pop.
I am still shaky..but smiling...somehow....hope I never have to go
through that ever again.......roll on transplant ...please
..please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XX
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